"(Not So) Small Talk"- I'm Grown Now - feat. Diva Xpress

I attended a plus-size fashion show last night, supporting my beautiful, stacked up, older cousin. Of course she rocked the freaking runway, i'm not surprised! She also happens to be one of my first ever sources of inspiration being fat and miserable as a teenager. I remember so vividly, we'd go on vacation and i'm fully-clothed in a t-shirt and pants to go swimming, and she comes out the room thighs kissing, booty sitting, in a cutout one-piece swimsuit. To be big, beautiful, and confident was less common back then, so we'd all foolishly persuade her to "cover up  a little". But now that i'm grown, I realize that she was just helping to pave the way.

Digressing, the show was interesting. I would try it, but don't necessarily desire to be on the runway (i'm a little timid, contrary to belief) . However, I REALLY would love to immaculately style and configure a showcase of my own. My vision is grand. I feel as if I have a gifted eye for styling all body types in what they'd look best in and would have the fashion impeccable and chic. This has been on my heart for a while now. The girls last night had their strut DOWN! All about that bass hunny! I loved it and actually felt proud. However, i'd like to work with women who are less seasoned and assured. I want them to get on that runway in the end and show the world their newest, priceless accessory that they'll sport for life: confidence. I have to make the first move, I know. I am praying.

This morning, while sorting through and revising this merchandise feature photo, I thought back, way back. I thought of that cousin (DD) who says i'm also an inspiration to her now (never could have seen this coming back in 2002). I thought back to when I was in junior high school, chubby little thing, but never got bullied. I thought about how much worse it could have been and how much worse it is now for weak girls in 2014 (with the media + technology playing a big part). I thought about that NFL t-shirt/ visor set and jeans I wore multiple times/ week. I thought about I just wanted to go fat and unnoticed. I thought about how I thought I'd found myself in high school once I got some curves and some attention. I thought about how that wasn't necessarily the case because I was doing it all for the approval of others and not for myself. I thought about how I had to have my breasts out in every outfit because it made me feel the most comfortable ... but still wouldn't wear anything that showed my fat knees (which were much smaller back then).

Now i'm thinking about how fierce I feel totally concealed by clothing, or otherwise. I'm thinking about how less is not always more. I'm thinking about how I never would have thought i'd never get back in the 100's (weight), my ultimate life goal as junior in high school. I'm thinking about how I never would have thought I would not need to be that size again to feel my best. I'm thinking about how I never would have buttoned my blouses to the top (or at all, lol) when I was going through that FALSE sense of sexy phase. I'm thinking about all the different people I tried to be as a high-schooler, but never tried to be myself. I'm thinking about how I've developed over the years, where i'm being taken, and how far I still have to go to make it to where I want to be. I'm thinking that, I thought I was back then, but i'm really grown NOW.

Outfit Details: 
Neon Watercolor Vintage Blouse - sent from Diva Xpress for feature
Teal Pencil Skirt - Rainbow (Juniors Section, Size Large)
Oversized Bangle - Shoe Heaven (local)
Matte Lippie - MAC Ruby Woo