(Not So) Small Talk Vol. 10

(Not So) Small Talk with Queen Charisma

 Project Big Girl Panties COMPLETE! 

DY Hair 777, discount code: 778201 

As you may know, my latest project (dedicated to letting the people know that: "YES, big girls wear lingerie, too") is complete.

I think way back to when I first became involved with someone on an intimate level, seventeen and timid, never actually feeling comfortable being so, uh, exposed. I thought it was because I was still young, this was new, and I was ultimately going against my mother's wishes. I remember he tried to make me feel as best as he could, but I didn't feel best on my own, so the deed was void. I remember he took advantage of my insecurities and tried to make me believe no one loved me as much as he did (not even my mom). I remember when I was finally able to see past being intimidated, past our history/ bond, and eased out of the draining relationship. And when he decided to retract all the uplifting and beautiful things he'd previously said about my (smaller) voluptuous body ... not because it was truth, but because at that level of my life, that was hitting me where it hurt most. Insecurity intensified.

I recall being a seemingly confident, college freshman and still feeling the exact same way with someone new. Someone who was much more of a generally passionate person than my first ... much more experienced to say the least *slides down in chair*. I (thoroughly) recall being with him, being anxious to be with him, yet, being FULLY CLOTHED with him. Why? Because i'd grown sexually, but my confidence was still in the same troubled place.

Fast forward to 25-year-old me: sassy, sexy, assured, uncensored, known ... but some parts of the "old" me remain. I still naturally shell out more than I receive in return, I still am a crybaby, I still tend to attract a man I need to fix. As far as negligee' goes ... I still don't necessarily dress exactly how I feel in an intimate setting. Until this VERY project, it was just an intimidating thought.  While I do frequently claim to be all that, I never claimed to be perfect. But there sure is beauty in being able to recognize not only your strengths, but also what needs to be revamped and strengthened about yourself.

*dabs sweat beads off forehead*

Now that you know why this was > seeing myself printed, I can tell you how it went. I was draped in a black & champagne lace ensemble (bra, garter belt, net tights, etc.) and fur stole. Very dark look + a clear, simple, "home" feel, type of setting. My posing was very natural. It wasn't like I'd envisioned, and I didn't feel the need to consume the shots I had READY (just in case, you know). I had a female photographer (same age) who made me feel comfortable. Petite, she may not have fully understood the purpose of me telling her my "proportions didn't look right" in some shots (couldn't see my waistline). But, she still made it right ... professionalism.

Not trying on my ensemble until it was time to shoot was foolish. I learned some things about this type of attire + my particular physique. PLUS-SIZE THIGH-HIGH STOCKINGS ARE A JOKE. Like an oxymoron. Like, once above my knees, they were a fail. My thighs ate them up and they rolled down > what puny garter straps could fix. Opt for an all over net stocking instead, or smooth thunder thighs can work alone ... your choice. I also figured out that we actually have options beyond the basics. But like those pretty bras & panties, they cost. Our lingerie sizing is much more complex than standard wardrobe shopping (for me: ran small waist up, big waist down) and that garter belts are for decoration only (no support).

Ultimately, I don't need to be draped in a lavish outfit or uncomfortable in a girdle to embrace precisely who I've grown to be, though. Just put on my #BigGirlPanties & thrive.

The calendar will be released in early January. I'm your August curves. Catch me then!

Update: Purchase your copy here!
Put my name in the notes/ memo section at checkout! :)