Often times I post wearing outfits that some of my other plus peers shy away from (see: viral banana suit, food-printed swim). Or I post wearing a swimsuit with my fat pouch visible as hell. As a result, i'm swarmed with commentary that i'm "brave" and I am "courageous". People tag their friends like "I wish I had this type of confidence". All the while, I'm sitting back unresponsive, but rolling my eyes to the back of my head.
Why am I such a super hero for wearing apparel that's worn by women every single day?
Like "Gosh, Charisma, you're awesome for being so courageous in a society that thinks you look gross. I couldn't do it, but you are everything".
Like "Good for you for wearing a swimsuit that's not black, even though you knew your FUPA would show in it and that's #unflattering". But you're so confident, so brave."
If you aren't praising my 112-pound (adult) sister for being such a brave soul and comfortably showing her small frame, then don't praise me because my frame is large. We're in the same boat. Society sees her in her swim wear and assumes she's a teenager (she's 23) or that she could use a burger; society sees me and assumes i'm nearly handicapped and suffering from diabetes/ hypertension. Meanwhile, we're both GOOD.
I am not brave.
I am simply disregarding the bylaws that have been laid out for women like me and living my life how I want to live it.
I am rebellious.
"If I breathe in public for five seconds, it’s also common that someone will feel the need to tell me, “YASSSSS!” in an attempt to cheer on my fat, black, femme existence. Like I’m a damn animal learning how to be housebroken. People love to be voyeurs of fat blackness, and inadvertently become more problematic by trying to “yas” us through anything we do. Our mere survival is read as motivational to all those witnessing our existence, and it inspires everyone who’s not us because they’re actually partaking in the subordination of our humanity. Our humanity and beauty are seen as less than thin able bodied-ness, maintaining a hierarchy even when we receive these empty-ass compliments or praises. It only reaffirms that our dehumanization validates your safety."
- Ashleigh Shackelford (Radical, Fat, Black Femme).
Great Post. Society loves to think that we are all diabetic or have high blood pressure just because we weight more smh.
ReplyDeleteI think we've all experienced those "empty praises" at one point or another about things that are "abnormal" to society i.e. My gap teeth. But what is "Normal"? Nice blog btw
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