I am NOT Coming to Your Church ...

Because, GREED

In 2006, my grandmother passed away from cancer, and we decided to leave the church we grew up in. The church she grew up in. The church her mother grew up in. The church my mother grew up in. Why? Because they OFFICIALLY (by letter) kicked her off of the church roster because she stopped tithing. I'm sorry she didn't submit her 10% ... she was a little busy dying. If only they'd utilized the same order and procedure used to bar members to perhaps confirm their wellbeing. This same church later received media coverage after continuing to send out collection notices to struggling members.

To tithe is one thing. The church has bills and other financial obligations to cover. But so does the members, without congregational aid. Why are members expected to submit large donations for the church's anniversary? The pastor's (marital) anniversary? The pastor's birthday? He has 2 luxury cars. Can I get a donation towards my Uber ride home?

Because I'm Uncomfortable 

Same year, 2006. Again, feeling used and degraded, we left the only church we knew and joined another that friends of the family spoke highly about. This church allowed us to have my grandmother's homegoing service there (although she never got the chance to attend) and I felt welcomed and at ease. I remember joining, and telling the congregation that I felt "at home". Shortly after, I remember a married couple (heavily involved in the church) randomly approaching me after the services. They knew nothing about me, besides that I was a minor, timid, and curved to perfection. However, they let me know about their union, upcoming anniversary, and that they planned to go on a cruise (and that if I was interested, I could join them). For your anniversary?! Hmmm. I'm fifteen years old, I don't make those type of decisions on my own. It was a "hell no" from my mother, not that I was ever enticed by the invite.

Fast forward a few years later. Booty bigger, hips wider, and i'm a young adult now ... the wife has different feelings towards me for whatever reason. Whether it be her husband liking big, fine, young girls/ me declining the opportunity to lose my virginity on their anniversary cruise OR otherwise *sips tea*. We end up secluded in the same space and she feels the need to tell me that my skirts could be longer and looser. "I'm a big woman, too. We have to dress a certain way to avoid catching eyes", were some of her words. Oh. NOW my clothes are a problem? Because your spouse's eyes are still wandering, i'm legal, and you know that I know that he's intrigued? I see how that works.

My skirts are just fine. It is pencil fitted and hits at my knee. The next woman 100-pounds lighter than me isn't being forced into pantyhose and other clothing for women twice her age. My heels aren't too high as long as I can walk in them. My red lips are an accessory, not a sexual innuendo. You can wrap and pin a blanket around me and the curves will poke through. Leave me alone. Whomever needs to be protected from the sight of a women's exposed knees/ shoulders and favorite lipstick is the REAL problem. Stop blaming my style for their corruption.

I am not coming to your church. Because single women seeking knowledge of the bible are seen as terrorists. Because ALL OF US want your man. Because that's the reason they ignore us when we speak. Because everyone not wearing a skirt to the ground is dressed like a whore ... yet no one has offered to take any of  us shopping.

Because They Play Too Much

A few years back, as service started, "a girl" I know had a deacon take pictures up her skirt. When she noticed, he stopped and left the premises. This same married deacon has a secret child by a girl of the church who was only 17 when she had the baby. This deacon remained with his title until the families of these victims raised hell. These families were told to forgive him, when he never even issued an apology. The victims were shamed and looked down on after the fact about what they should/ shouldn't have done and provoked, while everyone continued to recognize him as a man of God.

I am not coming to your church. Because your conditioned church body is against the youth and for the unrighteous (as long as they're tithing/ donating).

Church leaders are openly leaving their wives for their mistresses, molesting children, supporting prostitution, stealing from the church, and bashing homosexuality while secretly being homosexual. And they remain in leadership ... telling us not to do things they are doing. Members are fine with it all, and it's insane to me. We can be content in our sin ... AT HOME.

I'm not coming to your church, because I don't care to play with God.

Because it's MY Choice

The first twenty years of my life, I can count on my hands the number of times I missed church. On Sundays, we would wake up CRAZY early, have a hearty breakfast, and be headed out the door. I mean, after my mom styled all (herself, me, my sister) of our hair and outfits to perfection. Once I became a young adult (still living at home), I worked and attended class during the week. I was exhausted and ready to relax during the weekend. But, I was pressed into going to church on Sundays. Seven hours at church. Like, a whole work shift. Sometimes I'd have my books and study materials laid out on the back row trying to simultaneously prepare myself for my big exam in the morning AND listen to what the preacher was shouting. Because anyone living under my mother's roof was required to go to work/ school AND give God the praise. Whether I was having a bad hair day, cramps from hell, finals in the morning or a headache from over drinking the night before. I was in there. Now, it's simply my choice to attend or not. Know that i'm not ignorant when it comes to the word, though. And that I still worship Him. I just wanted to share some of the things lots of people who don't attend have secretly been through. Church folks often criticize people for only attending for Easter/ New Year, but never stop to ask themselves why that's the case.

So when I decline your invite, don't take it personal. I just want to sleep in, instead. And clearly, I have my reasons.